Toenails

Feet.

Feet are digusting extensions of our legs that we unfortunately need to stay upright, walk, run, dance and do the moonwalk. I hate feet, no, I despise them. Why?

1. It doesn't matter what kind of socks you wear, you are always left with those little fabric fluffs between your toes.

I've lost count of the amount of times I thought there was a rogue spider trying to interrupt my morning shower but really it was just a fluff on the run.


2. I don't know who these people are on commercials who have perfect looking feet (if that were possible) but I want to meet them.

I am not convinced that feet like that actually exist. I'm 99% sure it's a photoshop miracle.

3. The fact that products such as the Ped Egg exist is further proof that feet are horrid. Do people actually use those? If you haven't heard of such things, let me explain.

Imagine a cheese grater...but you use it on your foot to scrape off the rough skin on the bottoms of your heels and toes. UGH. Oh but it's okay because they make it seem less menacing by making it look like an egg.

4. Ever heard of trench foot? The name is enough to make me cringe. Enough said.


I could name more reasons but I think you get the point. Basically, I think that guy from "Saw" had the right idea.




But what is even more disgusting is toenails.
Fingernails actually have a purpose. They can help you get a splinter out of your finger or open those annoying shampoo bottles. They can satisfy an irritating itch and scratch lottery tickets!

But toenails? What the heck do toenails do? They make holes in your socks if you don't cut them every few days...Great, thats awesome because I wanted an excuse to go sock shopping.

And when you DO cut them, they end up flying all over the bathroom like a superhero on speed.

Hi nail clippers, could you do me a favour and try to get along with the toenails this time?

Every time we meet is like a treasure hunt except I don't get the gold at the end.





In the summer I have to paint you so you are somewhat presentable in my flipflops.. This is time consuming! I have much better things to do with my time in the summer...like walk and write pointless blogs.

Therefore, I think we can all agree that toenails are not awesome, nor will they ever be.

Rumour has it that our pinky toe is obsolete and we don't actually need it anymore. Maybe evolution will negate the need for feet altogether! But let's not get too excited.