Sponges

So what's the deal with sponges?

Sure they may look pretty and colourful under the water but they don't seem to really serve a purpose. They just sit there looking all porous-like. So what's the deal?

Oh sorry, did you think those pastel coloured kitchen sponges were useful?

More like disease ridden pieces of soft foam just begging for some badass bacteria to move into those pores you once thought were so wonderful.

Honestly, nothing good ever comes with sponges.

The word even leaves a bad taste in your mouth. It sounds like "grunge" or "lunge" and who likes lunging? Sponges should officially take the plunge into being extinct.

Have you ever heard of the dreaded "sponge bath." Have you ever had to participate in one? It's not fun folks. There you are, standing in the retirement home that is down the road from your house. You thought it would be a great idea to volunteer and give back to the community. It's all well and good but suddenly things start to escalate and get intense. Next thing you know there is a sponge in your hand and an old, wrinkly human sitting in a tub of lukewarm water staring up at you with these puppy dog eyes.

All the while you're thinking "how did I get myself into this" and you begin to consider various escapes.

Maybe if you wait long enough they will fall asleep...

or maybe you can invent a robot in the next 5 minutes to give the sponge bath for you, but with your luck the robot will be incredibly intelligent and refuse to do such a demeaning task.

Maybe you should just jump out the window.

Then you think you hear evil laughter and you're convinced that it's God mocking you, or maybe it's the sponge, who knows.

But no, you can't do any of those things so you are stuck scrubbing the hairy back of a decrepit old man with that wretched sponge.

Has this ever happened to you?       No?

Me neither.

Regardless, sponges are gross and vile and should not exist.

Except for maybe Spongebob Squarepants, he's cool.

Aww look at how happy he is!